Grl: Guy! So nice to see you!

Guy: Yeah you too! I’ve been missing you.

Grl: been missing you too, work’s been crazy busy *long slow kiss to make up for it*

Guy: Mmmmmm. *tastes Grl’s tongue* So hard with you on the road. *runs tongue over lips* Mmmmm, barbecue.

Grl: …*sigh* I know. Jeez I miss you.

Guy: You know I want to do a post on chatsex?

Grl: yeah, I had noticed

Guy: I was wondering how we should approach it. For example, half the fun of a good chatsex session is the setting. I remember that time on a plane, in coach, redeye flight to Chicago. *wraps blanket over us*

Grl: mmmm that was fun! I still can’t believe the person sitting next to us didn’t hear anything!

Guy: *quietly undoes safety belt* We were very quiet.

Grl: *follows your example*

Guy: The crew were in the galley, doing crew things. *slides hand under blanket* Nobody noticed.

Grl: *grabbing your hand and squeezing it* Thank heavens! I might be open, but I’m not that open!

Guy: *squeezes Grl’s hand* Just holding hands is fun with you. We could just chatcuddle if you want.*slides hand around a bit under blanket*

Grl: mmm remember that time coming home from the airport?

Grl: nah, I’m too turned on to just cuddle now!

Guy: Oh, good! *hand explores under blanket* Interesting shapes under loose flight clothing.

Grl: yeah it’s all those layers of clothing I can’t fit in my suitcase anymore!  *cursing layers*

Guy: It made it difficult. Especially the oral part. Can’t believe nobody noticed.

Grl: yeah, specially with all my moaning and your heavy breathing!

Guy: *breathing heavily*

Grl: *stretching up for a kiss*

Guy: *kisses Grl with intent* I love the way you taste.

Grl: *hand creeping down*

Guy: The beauty of a good chatsex session is that you aren’t constrained by physical restrictions. Of clothing or cramped coach seats.

Grl: or the person sitting next to us Or that we weren’t even sitting remotely near each other

Guy: Or that it was a day flight. Still, we can relive the experience the way it should have been. *exploring hand at last finds some skin*

Grl: yeah, in a perfect world… *sharp breath in*

Guy: Sorry. I think that was your shoulder - I was hunting for a nipple. Ah. I wonder what happens if I press this button.

Grl: really? I could’ve sworn it was my belly!

Guy: Hard to tell in the dark, under a blanket in cramped seats. All good. *presses button* Oh look, the moon is full, the blanket is under us, the waves are crashing onto the tropic beach, the palms are waving above us in the mellow night sky. And we’re all alone. Just us. *undoes top button*

Grl: *smelling the salt air* mmmmmm

Guy: *admiring Grl* You are beautiful. *kisses Grl again*

Guy: *and again*

Guy: *undoes a few more buttons* Not as many layers of clothing in this scenario. Still, it’s fun to slowly undress you.

Grl: mmm just you wait till you hit my bathing suit. THEN you’ll be gasping! *giving a helping hand*

Guy: I’m gasping already! *removes Grl’s top and admires well-filled costume beneath*

Grl:

Guy: Just wearing board shorts myself. Getting uncomfortably tight around the front bulge area.

Grl: I can help with that *gently stroking bulge*

Guy: Yikes! The problem’s growing!

Grl: mmmmmm *sliding hand down shorts*

Guy: I’m not talking fantasy now. I wish you were doing that for real!

Grl: :D:D:D:D:D

Guy: *ignores growing tension down below*

Guy: *slides fingers over Lycra bathing suit*

Guy: *feeling interesting shapes*

Guy: The full moonlight highlights the curves. I can see clearly what is shoulder, what is belly, and what is breast. *tickles nipple through thin cloth*

Grl: Is it full tide? Cos I’m getting really wet

Guy: *slides hand downstairs*

Guy: Sure that bathing suit isn’t chafing? *Undoes cord on board shorts*

Guy: *begins wriggling free*

Grl: *grabbing your hand to stop you*

Grl: *kissing you hard*

Guy: *tasting the salt on Grl’s lips, feeling them warm and full and soft*

Grl: *sliding your shorts off*

Guy:*feeling the warm tropic air*

Guy: *rising to salute the moon*

Grl: *sitting on you and kissing you hard again*

Guy: mmmmm. *begins peeling the clinging, stretch fabric down over shoulders*

Grl: *nipples getting hard*

Guy: I can see them, trying to escape! Here, let me help! *rolls top down*

Guy: *admires perfect breasts in the pale moonlight* nipples jumping and bouncing on top, glad to be out in the open.

Grl: *kissing you again*

Grl: can you tell I like kissing

Guy: Oh yeah! Can you tell I like…

Guy: *strokes Grl’s skin* Lips, cheeks, chin, throat, shoulders. *softly, caressing, lovingly working the way down*

Grl: *breathing harder all of a sudden*

Guy: *still kissing Grl*

Guy: *breathing faster*

Grl: *heart racing*

Grl: *sliding down your body to lightly tease your cock*

Guy: *moans*

Grl: *grins*

Grl: *peeling bathing suit completely off*

Guy: *moans louder* OMG, you are beautiful! A goddess in the moonlight!

Grl: *kissing you hard*

Grl: *tongue sliding into your mouth*

Guy: *sliding fingers gently down, over shoulders, over arms*

Grl: *gasping*

Guy: *tracing the outlines of your upper body*

Guy: *backs of hands gently touching sides of breasts, almost by accident*

Grl: *kissing down the side of your neck*

Guy: *feeling nipples hard against my hands*

Guy: *stroking breasts, circling in on each side, fingers climbing those rounded slopes*

Guy: *reaching the little peaks at the centre, feeling them crinkle under his gentle touch*

Guy: *bends down to kiss them*

Grl: *kissing down your shoulder, down to your nipple, down, down, down*

Guy: *nibbling Grl’s nipples, circling them with tongue strokes*

Grl: oh god

Guy: Funny, I was thinking the same thing… Don’t you love the way that in chat, there’s no awkwardness as hands, mouths, tongues, bodies writhe and move into impossible positions?

Grl: mmm yeah!

Grl: *feeling nipples get even harder*

Grl: *moaning*

Guy: *kissing even harder*

Guy: *moves hands down, gliding lightly over the delighting curves of breasts and tummy*

Grl: *getting wetter and wetter*

Guy: *circling lower, feeling the first soft curls under his fingers*

Guy: *stroking down onto thighs*

Guy: *feeling the smooth shapes of legs, the angles of knees, the trim calves, the toes, taking time to tickle each one*

Grl: tease *kissing you hard again*

Grl: *sliding down over bump to kneel over your legs*

Guy: *responding to the kiss*

Guy: *growing harder yet*

Grl: *taking you in my mouth*

Guy: Oh my god! *closes eyes in delight*

Grl: *wondering what to do next* :p

Guy: It’s all good here. ;D

Grl: *s-l-o-w-l-y dragging lips down*

Guy: *hands moving back up legs, tracing the contours, teasing the inner thighs*

Guy: *tickling your fancy*

Guy: Gently, lightly touching just the curls.

Guy: At first…

Guy: *Stroking the triangular outlines, just lightly touching the skin*

Grl: *tongue teasing, tantalizing*

Grl: *taking your hands in mine*

Grl: *holding them still*

Guy: *enjoying the sensations of lips and tongue on me here, and the feel of female curves under my hands there*

Grl: *dragging lips up again and off completely*

Grl: *tongue circling tip*

Grl: *sliding in to you as far as I can*

Grl: *putting you back into my mouth*

Grl: *tongue moving around inside mouth*

Grl: you still there?

Guy: Oh yeah!

Guy: Wondering what to do with his hands…

Guy: Thinking of something…

Guy: *gently eases thighs apart*

Guy: *softly but firmly, unticklingly, strokes the curving shapes of outer lips*

Guy: *tracing their outlines, feeling the curls against his fingers, the soft, smooth surfaces of inner lips*

Guy: *Gently touching, sliding along the skin, slick with girl juice*

Guy: *Moves around, kissing his way down*

Grl: *coming up to kiss you again*

Guy: *meet’s Grl’s lips halfway*

Guy: *tasting the salty tang*

Guy: *holding you close*

Guy: *embracing Grl, skin to skin, head to toe*

Guy: *heart pounding*

Grl: *sliding a finger inside myself, then putting it in your mouth while we kiss*

Guy: Oh yes! Mmmmmmm. Tangy. Tasty. *sucks on finger*

Grl: *kissing the side of your mouth, then continuing to kiss around to your ear while you suck my finger*

Guy: *feeling Grl blow in ear* I hear the sea!

Guy: *takes Grl’s hand, moves it down, down, all the way down* Say hello to the boys! But don’t squeeze them too hard!

Guy: *slides his own hand way down*

Grl: *nibbling your ear lobe* :p

Guy: *slides one finger inside*

Guy: *gently*

Guy: *moves it around*

Guy: *moves it out*

Guy: *tracing the soft folds*

Guy: *finding that little bean of pleasure*

Guy: *stroking it softly with moist finger tip*

Guy: *smooth, gentle touches*

Grl: *deep sharp breath*

Grl: *gently tickling balls*

Guy: *breathing hard* Oh yes!

Guy: *moves down*

Guy: *kissing his way down*

Guy: *all the way down*

Grl: *toes curling*

Guy: *kissing into the triangle of curls*

Guy: *tongue seeking out the tender, tangy, places*

Guy: *kissing, licking, softly at first*

Guy: *tongue touching, stroking, caressing clitoris*

Guy: *darting inside*

Grl: oh god oh god ohgod *arching up for more contact*

Guy: *pushing harder*

Guy: *kissing away, away up*

Guy: *sliding himself in*

Guy: *feeling the grip inside*

Guy: The most intimate of caresses, enjoying every inch of the journey.

Grl: *crying out*

Guy: *thrusting slowly, all the way in*

Guy: *holding it a moment*

Guy: *pulling back*

Guy: *And in again*

Guy: *feeling the pleasure, the exquisite pleasure*

Guy: *gently, firmly thrusting in a slow rhythm*

Guy: Matching the waves on the beach. We’re on a beach, there’s a blanket under us, the warm air is caressing our skin and we have the island to ourselves and all the time in the world.

Guy: *pushing in and out, a steady tempo*

Grl: *feeling you inside me*

Grl: *kissing you hard*

Grl: *and again*

Grl: *and again*

Grl: *and again*

Grl: *over and over*

Guy: *responding to kisses*

Guy: sweet kisses in the silver moonlight

Guy: *continuing a steady stroke*

Guy: *pushing down, pressure on clitoris as well*

Guy: *Making every movement count for the maximum in shared pleasure*

Grl: *getting closer to that edge*

Guy: The pressure is building for me. *pushing on, sweet sensations growing*

Grl: *fingers busy here*

Guy: *Thrusting quicker now, in and down*

Guy: The waves seem to be rolling in, crashing ashore, the universe moving faster as we move in harmony.

Guy: *feeling the exquisite pleasure with every rhythmic movement of our shared bodies moving as one*

Guy: *Sliding in and out, surfing the rising pleasure*

Grl: *inches from the edge*

Guy: *feeling Grl moan and tense and writhe under him*

Guy: *loving her with every breath, every beat of his racing heart*

Guy: *holding her close, every inch of her body, every point of pleasure, every pore in her skin*

Grl: *moaning loudly*

Guy: *breathing hard*

Guy: *thrusting in, sliding in, filling her up*

Guy: *pushing on and on, breath in gasps, heart in harness*

Guy: *moving together in a race, two working as one, hearts and limbs entwined*

Guy: *each feeling the other’s every move, every thrust, every precious pressure*

Guy: *temperature soaring, skins slick with sweat*

Grl: *crying out*

Guy: The feeling is unstoppable, the rythmn pounding

Guy: Working together, breath coming in shorter and shorter gasps.

Guy: *thrusting, grinding, riding, moving together in a dance of joy*

Grl: *can’t think mind off in space body in exquisite pleasure*

Guy: *unstoppable waves of pleasure pulsing through me*

Guy: *arches back in a climax of ecstasy*

Guy: *gasping at the pleasure*

Guy: *gulping in air to cool his body, furnace-hot in the tropic night*

Guy: *slowing and stopping, just pressing down*

Guy: *enjoying the aftertingles*

Guy: *feeling the shared bliss*

Guy: *holds Grl close, this most intimate embrace*

Grl: *breathing gradually slowing down*

Guy: *feeling the shared warmth*

Guy: *rolls out, lies gasping*

Guy: *smiling*

Guy: happy beyond belief

Guy: *holding Grl’s hand*

Guy: *touching her fingers*

Guy: *feeling so close, so loving, so happy*

Grl: *bringing your hand to my mouth and kissing it*

Guy: *kissing Grl’s hand*

Guy: *sighs in happiness*

Guy: *looking at Grl’s loving face*

Guy: this is heaven

Grl: mmmmmmmm

Guy: you are amazing

Grl: I love you

Guy: I love you

Grl: enjoy?

Guy: Oh yes

Guy: We’ll have to do that chatsex post one day, you know. It won’t write itself!

photo by Lotushead

Guy sez: Flirting is the gentle art of romantic pretence. I enjoy flirting with ladies of advanced years, for example, saying to them, “Oh, if only I were twenty years younger…”. The pretence is that a romantic or sexual attachment exists, and the more unlikely the possibility, the more outrageous the flirt.

It’s pointless to flirt with your partner, for example. Fun, but not really flirting if it’s a sure thing.

The spice of flirting lies in the possibility, the thought, the fantasy that it could actually come true. Say to an old age pensioner, “I’ll be round tonight with a bunch of roses and a bottle of champagne,” and everyone knows that it’s not going to happen. If I say the same thing to a single woman closer to my age, well, you never know, we could be eating our breakfast eggs together, a rose or two sprouting from an empty magnum.

Grl sez: A good friend of mine once told me that even though he was so happy in his current relationship, he would love to go back to the flirting days. I empathised – I love to flirt! I love knowing that I’m making someone feel special. Whether you’re flirting with someone just to make them smile, or to let them know you’re interested in them, it makes me feel great

I can’t help but smile when people flirt with me (well mostly anyway!) – I love knowing that someone thinks I’m attractive! Even if it’s not going to go anywhere, it still makes me tingle when someone flirts with me

Of course there’s always a flip side…I guess one of the worst is when creepy men start flirting with you at bars *shudder*. You know there’s only one thing they want, and you don’t want to give it to them!

Far worse I think though is when people you’ve broken up with start flirting with you again. An ex of mine has recently been doing this with me and it is frustrating! Especially when she was the one who told me she’d rather be friends…

Guy sez: The beauty of unwanted flirting is that it can be gently – or not so gently – turned aside. Southern ladies are wonders at rejecting advances in the most delightful way. There must be a textbook they read in school. How to charm people away.

Make it a game if you don’t want attention. Call it anti-flirting. Turn them off in the nicest way.

Perhaps your ex, Grl, flirts with you precisely because she knows it’s going nowhere. Or maybe, she thinks there’s always the chance…

That’s the spice, the sweetness, the thrill of flirting.

I just read the most amazing book ever! It’s set just after World War Two in London and this little island called Guernsey (I’d never heard of it either!) Totally romantic love story

Ur Grl.

Grl,

Are you commanding me to read it? I just happen to be here at City Lights bookstore. txt me details and I’ll lift a copy.

Ur own Guy

Don’t make me tie you up again! YES BUY IT! The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society is the name of the game (isn’t that a wonderful name for a book!), and it’s by Mary Ann Shaffer.

Not surprised you’re at City Lights AGAIN…are you ever NOT there?

Ur Grl

Grl,

CL is a cool bookstore. OK. I’ve found it. Found a comfy chair. Will read. I think the title is longer than the book. Looks like it is written as a series of letters.

Guy, reading hard

I know it is ok, I just think you might have a small obsession….either with the books or with that cute girl with the beret….or both!

Yeah it’s written in letters – isn’t it great! Really gets you into the minds of the characters

Ur Grl

Grl!

This is a wonderful book! Utterly charming. Juliet Ashton, the main character, sounds like you. Literate, sparkling, outrageous. Except you haven’t written and published a book. Yet.

I just love the way the characters are introduced in letters they write. You get a feel from the details of the address, their salutations, the way they write… Here’s Dawsey Adams from Guernsey in the Channel Islands, writing to Juliet, because he owns a book with her name and address in it, and wants to know more:

Charles Lamb made me laugh during the German Occupation, especially when he wrote about the roast pig. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society came into being because of a roast pig we had to keep secret from the German soldiers, so I feel a kinship to Mr Lamb.

I think I can see where this is going…

Yours sincerely

Guy Sezual

Isn’t it great – Juliet is great, but just wait till you get to meet some other Guernseyites – my favourite is Isola.

Dawsey is a complete sweetheart though – he seems so wise to me, much older than he actually is…

I should warn you there’s a sad bit…but so many funny bits as well!

Grl,

So right about the funny parts! Juliet and her friends are wicked in their private letters to each other. Not sure I’m right about the plot. Juliet is being courted by a rich American now, and if I read between the lines, they are spending a LOT of quality time together.

The Guernsey people are a mixed bunch. All writing to Juliet to tell their side of the story of the GL&PPP (what a mouthful!) Society. Miss Adelaide Addison is funny, though she doesn’t mean to be:

Dear Miss Ashton,

Forgive the presumption of a letter from a person unknown to you. But a clear duty is imposed upon me… (snip a lot of snarkey gossip) …You must not write about these people and their books – God knows what they saw fit to read!

Yours in Christian Consternation and Concern,

Adelaide Addison (Miss)

Huh! Bet she’s a very old Miss! I’m liking the way that there are two or more sides to every story, and each character is doing their best to show their best side. That girl with the shaved head and red beret has come around a couple of times now. Maybe I’d better buy this copy.

Guy, reading as fast as possible

Have you read the character references yet? Those are f-u-n-n-y! Juliet gets two acquaintances to write to the Society so they know she won’t treat them frivolously… one woman (Lady Bella Taunton) who rather dislikes her:

I cannot impugn her character – only her common sense. She hasn’t any.

and the Reverend Simon Simpless who has known her since birth and loves her dearly….

Juliet was a stubborn but nevertheless a sweet, considerate, joyous child – with an unusual bent for integrity in one so young.

Despite Lady Bella sending an awful character reference, I still end up liking Juliet all the more for the complaints she has about Juliet!

Lady Grl

Grl,

Thanks for putting me onto this book. I’m eating it up and licking off the sauce.

So many characters! So many pieces of the puzzle. Juliet has visited Guernsey, and followed a lead to France, to find out what happened to one of the main characters. The German invaders are shown as brutal in some respects, but humane and kind in others. It must have been a very hard time, with the shortages of food, and I’m now understanding why they made pies out of odd ingredients.

Hungryguy

Not sure there’s be much sauce in this pie Guy!

That’s another thing I loved about this book, it doesn’t show all the Germans as evil…I know there were some evil people involved, but it isn’t possible for every single person from one country to be evil! I guess what I’m trying to say is that it shows a whole lot of really interesting personalities….and people, in a unique kind of way. Gives all the characters a chance to show who they really are.

Grl,

There’s so many threads, so many characters, so many nuances. So many sides. One thing bugs me a bit. The main character is Juliet Ashton, but she changes so much between the first half of the novel when she is a columnist in London preparing her second book, and when she is actually on Guernsey. She changes, and the ending becomes just a little predictable.

Yes, I’ve finished the book. Just as well, because it’s almost closing time!

Guy

Guy – I don’t think she changes…maybe how we see her changes, but ultimately she’s still Juliet Ashton, trying to find someone she can talk to AND be silent with….and I liked the ending! -Grl

Grl,

Perhaps it’s the tone of the narrative then. When she’s in London, we know she’s going to go to Guernsey eventually, but we’re wondering about what’s going to happen. When she gets there, meets all the people she’s been corresponding with, it’s like the story is on rails, just gliding into the station. The only real interest in the second half of the book is in finding out what happened to Elizabeth. It’s almost as if the author lost interest in her main character once she’d got her future sorted, and transferred the focus to another character.

But, having said that, I really enjoyed this story, and you’ve given me yet another excuse to while away half a day out of my remaining years in the most pleasant fashion.

The book has a steady narrative, a delightful range of characters, each one distinct and well-drawn. Perhaps most important of all, it is set on an island very few people would know about, and in a piece of history that is all but unknown. It’s a remarkable story in its own right, and adding in a love story written in period letters, it’s utterly charming!

Guy, charmed

I disagree with you on that point, Guy – I didn’t feel at all as though the only interest in the second part of the book was Elizabeth…YES, she is a major part of it, but there’s all those other characters we’re getting to know from other points of view – both Juliet’s and our own! –Grl

Grl,

You’re to blame for this book coming home to live with me. I read it all at a sitting, and the perfect end to the day was to take it to the counter, run it by that lovely lady with the cherry berry, and slip it into my backpack. I’ll read this again, and very likely I’ll buy copies secondhand to foist them on my friends. This is one of those books.

Your Happy Guy

Woohoo, someone else sucked in!

Grl sez: Heh, I’ve got iTunes on random, right now I’m listening to Slumdog Millionaire

Guy sez: Quiz show theme. I like it! Are you ready for the first round?

Grl sez: Woohoo bring it on! Shall I take us up to my bedroom?

Guy sez: Let me just tie you into the Hot Seat, here.  Unpack the secret box of interesting stuff.  Reach in for the first question…

Grl sez: Shall I take some clothes off first?

Guy sez: Only if you turn on the webcam…

Grl sez: All’s fair in love and war right?

Guy sez: Right. My first question! It’s an easy one. How old are you?

Grl sez: I’m in the mid 20s… young enough to still be cool and old enough to have some fun with it!

Guy sez: OK. You’re cool, icicles dripping off your nose. But what about orientation?

Grl sez: Haven’t you read my bio! I like (in alphabetical order) bagels, boys, chocolate, and girls…..especially blueberry bagels :p

Guy sez: I’m not as keen on b-words as you.

Grl sez: Not even the pumpkin ones?

Guy sez: Maybe pumpkin bagels are extra special. Haven’t tried one yet. Maybe next Halloween. Now that you’ve mentioned food, let me just reach in and see what we’ve got in the way of foodstuffs. Mangoes, root beer, peanut butter…

Grl sez: You can throw the root beer out thanks! Foul stuff!

Guy sez: Leaving out healthy diet aspects, if you could cover your lover’s body with something edible so you could lick it off, what would you choose?

Grl sez: That’s not hard….gotta go with the Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup…heaven in a bottle that stuff is!

Guy sez: I’ve just ordered an 8 pound can up from the Marina Safeway. I have everything else right here in the box. Chains, batteries, watermelon…

On that note, when you’re by yourself, just thinking quietly, hands nowhere in particular, what’s your favorite fantasy?

Grl sez: Hmmm, it changes fairly frequently Right now I’m loving imagining you tied up and covered in syrup…with Orlando Bloom….or Abby from NCIS…I’m easy!

Guy sez: Wow – I’m part of a double act, maybe a threesome, running through the good bits of your mind. With syrup footprints. Oh wait, no. You’ve tied me up. While Orlando Bloom has his way with you. You fiend!

Grl sez: Well at least I’m letting you watch…I could’ve had you blindfolded as well!

Guy sez: Your first love?

Grl sez: My first love would be Ben…I was a pretty tragic teenager and my best friend had to ask him out for me, while I hid behind a tennis raquet…we dated for a while but eventually realized neither of us were madly in love and would rather just be friends…and we’re still friends now..nothing big happened, a bit of kissing at best!

First real love….now that is a seriously tragic story! We’d been friends for a while after he helped get me through a tough patch in my life and then I fell madly in love with him after he shared a whole lot of his favourite music with me, after listening to What About Now by Daughtry over and over and over and over I realized just how in love with him I was….being in love with him was amazing, made me feel like I was full to bursting with joy, all the time. Sadly a whole lot of shit happened and we both changed and it ended fairly suddenly with him totally breaking my heart. It was worth it though, and I miss feeling that way about someone sometimes (not that I don’t love you to bits Guy!).

My first girl love was a girl I met while I was traveling. There’s a lot I regret not doing with her, but it was hard being on the move so much, and her job kept her working insane hours. Eventually, just before I came home, she told me she’d rather just be friends (which is fair enough, long distance is always difficult), but I still enjoy flirting with her a lot, and I miss her like crazy sometimes!

Guy sez: “Being in love is amazing, makes me feel full to bursting with joy, all the time.”

Isn’t it, just? I feel bubbly and bouncy and the world is bright.

Kind of hard to go on with my list of prepared questions, trying to get some of the sordid details, but here we go.

Have you ever masturbated in front of someone? Have you ever watched someone masturbate?

Grl sez: Yes for the first one, but I don’t *think* I’ve ever watched someone else…and (for the first one again) when he asked me if I was masturbating I got really embarrassed and told him no….that relationship was really awkward! Not exactly sure why I decided to go out with him!

Guy sez: Picking up on something you said earlier, do you have a favorite song for making love?

Grl sez: Nothing really springs to mind, but I like the idea of making love to Everybody by Sister Hazel!

Guy sez: Ah. Sister Hazel. Florida isn’t just oranges and Disney, you know. I love their latest album. Release. Sounds exactly the thing for making love! “Comes a release…”

Grl sez: Heh, me too <3

I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought of it in that way too!

Vacation Rain would be nice too…

Guy sez: Heh. They’ve got some good lines. There’s one about “…the taste of your tongue…” and I never kiss nowadays without sneaking in a little taste. You’re probably kind of chocolatey right now…

On the flip side – and you are probably too young to know about flip sides, it’s all CDs and MP3s nowadays, never a good honest piece of vinyl – what’s your preferred music after a relationship has ended? Your favorite comfort music. Barbra Streisand, maybe?

Grl sez: Depends on what kind of mood I’m in….if I just feel like crying then I like to listen to things like Tonight I Wanna Cry (Keith Urban), Carry Me Home (James Blunt), Best I’ll Ever Be (Sister Hazel), a cd I got given a few birthdays/christmas ago of an Australian Aboriginal singer Gurrumul (Geoffrey Gurrumul Yunupingu), some R.E.M., some of the Lord of the Rings tracks, some Jack Johnson…that kind of thing.

If I’m mad then I’ll put on Life Got In The Way (more Sister Hazel, I’m a bit of Hazelnut!), Affirmation (Savage Garden), Nickelback sometimes…

If I’m just contemplative then I like Bernard Fanning’s Tea & Sympathy…

Guy sez: Music to avoid when hanging out with Grl, readers!

Ok, I kind of got carried away when you asked me this question. Let’s see where it leads us today. If you had to select just one moment with a lover to remember forever, which one would it be?

Grl sez: *thinking* being woken up s-l-o-w-l-y (just how I like!) by being stroked was amazing. Or falling asleep in my lover’s arms the night before. Even if his legs were cold!

Or the first time I had chat sex – that was mindblowingly good! Does that count? Even if my lover wasn’t physically there he was mentally present!

I think I’m going to go with the chat sex one…wow that was good!

Guy sez: Well, that takes care of the question I was going to ask you. You must be a mindreader. They didn’t have chatsex when I was a boy, it was all punchcards and mainframes.

Who was the lucky boy?

Grl sez: Man thank you very much! That was with my first real love….Thomas (he was a lot of fun!)

Guy sez: Right. Moving along here, looking at some of the things I’ve got in the interview box, do you have a favorite sex toy?

Grl sez: Favourite sex toy….no, I’m sadly uninitiated as yet! I’m still a bit shy at heart sometimes! Easily embarrassed….although I suspect that will change. So I’ll have to get back to you on that one…

Although I do have a rather attractive stuffed zebra toy that can be fun to play with

Guy sez: Oh well, I won’t bother asking about household appliances…

Free time here. Anything you want to get off your chest before I put the final question to you?

Grl sez: Can I get you under my chest instead

Guy sez: I thought you’d never ask! Here, let me just grab some of that freshly delivered Hershey’s sauce – Marina Safeway, ladies and gentlemen, the best supermarket in the world – and get stuck in.

But before we vanish under the covers, do you have just one line to leave our readers with?

Grl sez: I’m not sure chocolate syrup under covers is a good idea…are *you* going to clean up afterwards or leave it all to me!

Guy sez: I’m going to lick it all up! Hunt down every last luscious drop.

Grl sez: My line is: “you never know when love’s going to hit, so may as well have some fun while you wait!”

Guy sez: OK, that’s a wrap. Getting a little sticky here. Uh. Is that mike still live?

Grl sez: No comment!

Grl Sez:

Guy Sez: I’m in the middle ages. Grew up in the Sixties and Seventies. Finding the 21st Century rather a challenge, but fun.

Grl Sez: Heh. Orientation?

Guy Sez: Straight. I like women. They turn me on. I have been known to hug guys, but they do nothing for me sexually. Once, a very long time ago, I sucked a dick. Experimenting, I guess. But never since.

It’s women for me. I love everything about them. Their shape, the way they smile, the way they have a female smell about them. Everything.

I might admire a well built guy, on an aesthetic basis, but when a woman smiles at me, the juices begin flowing. I can’t help it.

Grl Sez: If you could cover your lover’s body with something edible so you could lick it off, what would you choose? (Assuming you weren’t watching your figure or anything!)

Guy Sez: Oh boy, I should have seen this one coming! Showing my age again here. There’s a scene in Apocalypse Now where one of the characters is fantasizing about covering Raquel Welch with mangoes and cream and licking it off her body.

That’d be me. I like mangoes, and I could pulp them up, smear them all over her – all over her ripe mangoes – and swirl cream on and just go hogwild, licking and sucking and making a sticky meal of it all. That would be a dessert to remember!

Grl Sez: If you had to choose one moment with a lover from the past you’ll remember forever, what would it be?

Guy Sez: If I may, I’ll take two moments.

Grl Sez: Only if I get a favor later

Guy Sez: I’ll make it one to remember.

First was back in the Seventies. I had a girlfriend, and it was the first time we’d gone out. To a toga party, which were big in those days. She’d actually come along with a friend of mine, and I kind of stole her off him, which strained the friendship a little.

Somehow I got to fondling her enormous breasts, which we both enjoyed…

Grl Sez: mmmmm breasts *drool*

Guy Sez: Turning the interviewer on?

Grl Sez: Maybe just a little

Guy Sez: …and we found a private area outside, away from the action. She was wearing a swimsuit under her toga, and I rolled it down. Another friend came around the corner at that moment, and he told me later that the sight of those enormous melons gleaming free in the moonlight was something he’d never forget.

We chased him off by throwing rocks at him…

Grl Sez: LOL! Such a boy!

Guy Sez:…and I worked my way down. Lifted up her toga and pushed the strip of her bathing suit crotch aside. And there it was. Now I wasn’t a virgin, but this was the first time I’d seen the thing up real close, right under my nose. I kissed it, kissed those sweet lips, stuck my tongue in. Oh, but it was a moment to savor!

Second moment came years later. Another kiss. Another girlfriend. The start of a new relationship. She drove up, wound the window down to say hello. I leaned in the window and kissed her full on the lips.

It was the unexpectedness of it, the thrill, the excitement that I remember. I couldn’t believe it. I’d kissed someone and she’d smiled back at me. I wanted to sing, dance, shout out for the joy of it.

There’s another moment…

Grl Sez: Geez. Now you’re taking advantage.

Guy Sez: A combination of many moments. Just standing, or sitting, or lying with my lover. Just being close. Together. That’s what I like best. The love, the closeness, the intimacy.

Grl Sez: Tell us about sucking dick…What was it like? Did you enjoy it even a little bit?

Guy Sez: Ah, I was wondering if you’d pick up on that.

Grl Sez: Yeah. I just had to think of a good question

Guy Sez: And you said you knew it all…

Grl Sez: I do know everything, but when you know everything it can take a while to process :b

Guy Sez: It wasn’t unpleasant. It didn’t drill right into the sex centres of my brain, or even the taste buds. Just something, smooth and salty to suck on. And that was it.

Grl Sez: Just a salty lollypop then? :p

Guy Sez: Yeah. suck it down to the stick. We didn’t go all the way to the bitter end, as it were. Just youthful experimentation.

Grl Sez: Are you still friends/acquaintances with the lucky guy?

Guy Sez: As it happens, I see him from time to time. We’re close friends.

Not that close.

Grl Sez: What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever asked someone to do for you?

Guy Sez: Well, there was this girlfriend who pulled a tick out of my dick…

Nothing too strange, really. Had a girlfriend once, and I got her to tie me up with some of her pantyhose. Stripped me off and tied my feet and hands to the legs of the bed so I was helpless. And loving it.

Grl Sez: What did she do after tying you up?

Guy Sez: She got a feather and tickled me here and there.

And here again.

And again.

And then she mounted me. That was fun. But after a bit she realized that I wasn’t fully able to participate, and she untied my hands.

So I leaned down and untied my feet and ravished her most brutally. Which she seemed to enjoy.

Grl Sez: What’s your favorite place to be touched?

Guy Sez: I like my feet to be stroked. Gently. And my flanks, along up the rib cage. I just melt.

Grl Sez: And do you have a favorite place to touch your lover?

Guy Sez: I’m an enthusiastic amateur masseur. Everywhere on my lover’s body is good. It’s the feel of her skin under my hands, the knowledge that I’m handing out pleasure with every stroke. But yeah, I have to admit that I like kneading my way up the inside of her thighs, hearing her sigh ever so gently as I feel the first light touch of pubic hair against the back of my hands. Tracing the contours of her sex, those triangular shapes – that’s always nice.

Grl Sez: Is there anything that is guaranteed to turn you on?

Guy Sez: Yeah. wear a low-cut top and bend over in front of me. Smile and, wham, instant erection! I spend a lot of time in coffee shops. Unable to stand up.

Grl Sez: Ordering just one more doughnut…

Have you ever had a one night stand?

Guy Sez: A couple along the way. Though I’ll qualify the description, because they weren’t total one-night meet, screw, run events. In both cases I knew the women before and after, but it was just sex for one night.

In the first case, I once went back to her place for more, but she didn’t want it, and in the second case, she came back for a quick rematch, but I didn’t want it. I’d just gotten back together with the woman I later married, and I didn’t think I could handle two relationships at a time.

Grl Sez: Tell us about your first love.

Guy Sez: I’m wondering if that’s a euphemism.

Her name was Lee, and she had brown hair in a ponytail, small breasts and a trim figure. She was beautiful. Clever, caring, chic. In comparison to me, the high school klutz. We shared senior French class, and that was toujours la high point du jour.

I used to send her thought messages across the room. Lee, je t’aime grandtemps, je voudrais suck ton nipples s’il te plait. And across the city from my teenage bed. I don’t think she ever noticed.

Grl Sez: Have you ever masturbated in front of someone? Have you ever watched someone masturbate?

Guy Sez: Back seat of the Greyhound bringing a friend and I back home from a nude beach where we’d camped out for a few days. I guess he was feeling randy, because he suggested a competition, which he won handily. I struggled on for ten minutes or so alone, coming a distant second.

As an aside, watching the other sex masturbate is a great learning experience. Guys, in particular, can understand a lot about how to make love by watching a woman pleasure herself. Don’t go directly for the clitoris; start at the extremities, work your way in, and any time spent on stroking and licking breasts is pure gold.

On that note, there’s a website that’s devoted to that sort of thing. Girls working themselves up to a climax. Amazing footage. Totally authentic. They just recruit women, offer them bundles of money, and film them touching themselves. Sometimes they do two or three together. Sometimes they just take off their clothes and talk about sex. All genuine, nothing stagey or forced. Abby Winters. Highly recommended. We’ll do a review later.

Once Grl unties me…

Grl Sez: Just as soon as I finish mushing up these mangoes, buster.

Last question. Do you have a one-liner that sums up your take on sex, love and life?

Guy Sez: The sexiest body part of all is a smile. Make it fun!

Thanks, Grl!

The next subject in the Hot Seat will be Grl. I’m looking forward to asking her some penetrating questions. After that we’ll go out hunting for subjects, tie them down, offer them Google Wave invites and put the screws to them in joint interviews.

Photo credit: hakill of stock.xch