Grl sez: Heh, I’ve got iTunes on random, right now I’m listening to Slumdog Millionaire

Guy sez: Quiz show theme. I like it! Are you ready for the first round?

Grl sez: Woohoo bring it on! Shall I take us up to my bedroom?

Guy sez: Let me just tie you into the Hot Seat, here.  Unpack the secret box of interesting stuff.  Reach in for the first question…

Grl sez: Shall I take some clothes off first?

Guy sez: Only if you turn on the webcam…

Grl sez: All’s fair in love and war right?

Guy sez: Right. My first question! It’s an easy one. How old are you?

Grl sez: I’m in the mid 20s… young enough to still be cool and old enough to have some fun with it!

Guy sez: OK. You’re cool, icicles dripping off your nose. But what about orientation?

Grl sez: Haven’t you read my bio! I like (in alphabetical order) bagels, boys, chocolate, and girls…..especially blueberry bagels :p

Guy sez: I’m not as keen on b-words as you.

Grl sez: Not even the pumpkin ones?

Guy sez: Maybe pumpkin bagels are extra special. Haven’t tried one yet. Maybe next Halloween. Now that you’ve mentioned food, let me just reach in and see what we’ve got in the way of foodstuffs. Mangoes, root beer, peanut butter…

Grl sez: You can throw the root beer out thanks! Foul stuff!

Guy sez: Leaving out healthy diet aspects, if you could cover your lover’s body with something edible so you could lick it off, what would you choose?

Grl sez: That’s not hard….gotta go with the Hershey’s Chocolate Syrup…heaven in a bottle that stuff is!

Guy sez: I’ve just ordered an 8 pound can up from the Marina Safeway. I have everything else right here in the box. Chains, batteries, watermelon…

On that note, when you’re by yourself, just thinking quietly, hands nowhere in particular, what’s your favorite fantasy?

Grl sez: Hmmm, it changes fairly frequently Right now I’m loving imagining you tied up and covered in syrup…with Orlando Bloom….or Abby from NCIS…I’m easy!

Guy sez: Wow – I’m part of a double act, maybe a threesome, running through the good bits of your mind. With syrup footprints. Oh wait, no. You’ve tied me up. While Orlando Bloom has his way with you. You fiend!

Grl sez: Well at least I’m letting you watch…I could’ve had you blindfolded as well!

Guy sez: Your first love?

Grl sez: My first love would be Ben…I was a pretty tragic teenager and my best friend had to ask him out for me, while I hid behind a tennis raquet…we dated for a while but eventually realized neither of us were madly in love and would rather just be friends…and we’re still friends now..nothing big happened, a bit of kissing at best!

First real love….now that is a seriously tragic story! We’d been friends for a while after he helped get me through a tough patch in my life and then I fell madly in love with him after he shared a whole lot of his favourite music with me, after listening to What About Now by Daughtry over and over and over and over I realized just how in love with him I was….being in love with him was amazing, made me feel like I was full to bursting with joy, all the time. Sadly a whole lot of shit happened and we both changed and it ended fairly suddenly with him totally breaking my heart. It was worth it though, and I miss feeling that way about someone sometimes (not that I don’t love you to bits Guy!).

My first girl love was a girl I met while I was traveling. There’s a lot I regret not doing with her, but it was hard being on the move so much, and her job kept her working insane hours. Eventually, just before I came home, she told me she’d rather just be friends (which is fair enough, long distance is always difficult), but I still enjoy flirting with her a lot, and I miss her like crazy sometimes!

Guy sez: “Being in love is amazing, makes me feel full to bursting with joy, all the time.”

Isn’t it, just? I feel bubbly and bouncy and the world is bright.

Kind of hard to go on with my list of prepared questions, trying to get some of the sordid details, but here we go.

Have you ever masturbated in front of someone? Have you ever watched someone masturbate?

Grl sez: Yes for the first one, but I don’t *think* I’ve ever watched someone else…and (for the first one again) when he asked me if I was masturbating I got really embarrassed and told him no….that relationship was really awkward! Not exactly sure why I decided to go out with him!

Guy sez: Picking up on something you said earlier, do you have a favorite song for making love?

Grl sez: Nothing really springs to mind, but I like the idea of making love to Everybody by Sister Hazel!

Guy sez: Ah. Sister Hazel. Florida isn’t just oranges and Disney, you know. I love their latest album. Release. Sounds exactly the thing for making love! “Comes a release…”

Grl sez: Heh, me too <3

I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought of it in that way too!

Vacation Rain would be nice too…

Guy sez: Heh. They’ve got some good lines. There’s one about “…the taste of your tongue…” and I never kiss nowadays without sneaking in a little taste. You’re probably kind of chocolatey right now…

On the flip side – and you are probably too young to know about flip sides, it’s all CDs and MP3s nowadays, never a good honest piece of vinyl – what’s your preferred music after a relationship has ended? Your favorite comfort music. Barbra Streisand, maybe?

Grl sez: Depends on what kind of mood I’m in….if I just feel like crying then I like to listen to things like Tonight I Wanna Cry (Keith Urban), Carry Me Home (James Blunt), Best I’ll Ever Be (Sister Hazel), a cd I got given a few birthdays/christmas ago of an Australian Aboriginal singer Gurrumul (Geoffrey Gurrumul Yunupingu), some R.E.M., some of the Lord of the Rings tracks, some Jack Johnson…that kind of thing.

If I’m mad then I’ll put on Life Got In The Way (more Sister Hazel, I’m a bit of Hazelnut!), Affirmation (Savage Garden), Nickelback sometimes…

If I’m just contemplative then I like Bernard Fanning’s Tea & Sympathy…

Guy sez: Music to avoid when hanging out with Grl, readers!

Ok, I kind of got carried away when you asked me this question. Let’s see where it leads us today. If you had to select just one moment with a lover to remember forever, which one would it be?

Grl sez: *thinking* being woken up s-l-o-w-l-y (just how I like!) by being stroked was amazing. Or falling asleep in my lover’s arms the night before. Even if his legs were cold!

Or the first time I had chat sex – that was mindblowingly good! Does that count? Even if my lover wasn’t physically there he was mentally present!

I think I’m going to go with the chat sex one…wow that was good!

Guy sez: Well, that takes care of the question I was going to ask you. You must be a mindreader. They didn’t have chatsex when I was a boy, it was all punchcards and mainframes.

Who was the lucky boy?

Grl sez: Man thank you very much! That was with my first real love….Thomas (he was a lot of fun!)

Guy sez: Right. Moving along here, looking at some of the things I’ve got in the interview box, do you have a favorite sex toy?

Grl sez: Favourite sex toy….no, I’m sadly uninitiated as yet! I’m still a bit shy at heart sometimes! Easily embarrassed….although I suspect that will change. So I’ll have to get back to you on that one…

Although I do have a rather attractive stuffed zebra toy that can be fun to play with

Guy sez: Oh well, I won’t bother asking about household appliances…

Free time here. Anything you want to get off your chest before I put the final question to you?

Grl sez: Can I get you under my chest instead

Guy sez: I thought you’d never ask! Here, let me just grab some of that freshly delivered Hershey’s sauce – Marina Safeway, ladies and gentlemen, the best supermarket in the world – and get stuck in.

But before we vanish under the covers, do you have just one line to leave our readers with?

Grl sez: I’m not sure chocolate syrup under covers is a good idea…are *you* going to clean up afterwards or leave it all to me!

Guy sez: I’m going to lick it all up! Hunt down every last luscious drop.

Grl sez: My line is: “you never know when love’s going to hit, so may as well have some fun while you wait!”

Guy sez: OK, that’s a wrap. Getting a little sticky here. Uh. Is that mike still live?

Grl sez: No comment!

Grl Sez:

Guy Sez: I’m in the middle ages. Grew up in the Sixties and Seventies. Finding the 21st Century rather a challenge, but fun.

Grl Sez: Heh. Orientation?

Guy Sez: Straight. I like women. They turn me on. I have been known to hug guys, but they do nothing for me sexually. Once, a very long time ago, I sucked a dick. Experimenting, I guess. But never since.

It’s women for me. I love everything about them. Their shape, the way they smile, the way they have a female smell about them. Everything.

I might admire a well built guy, on an aesthetic basis, but when a woman smiles at me, the juices begin flowing. I can’t help it.

Grl Sez: If you could cover your lover’s body with something edible so you could lick it off, what would you choose? (Assuming you weren’t watching your figure or anything!)

Guy Sez: Oh boy, I should have seen this one coming! Showing my age again here. There’s a scene in Apocalypse Now where one of the characters is fantasizing about covering Raquel Welch with mangoes and cream and licking it off her body.

That’d be me. I like mangoes, and I could pulp them up, smear them all over her – all over her ripe mangoes – and swirl cream on and just go hogwild, licking and sucking and making a sticky meal of it all. That would be a dessert to remember!

Grl Sez: If you had to choose one moment with a lover from the past you’ll remember forever, what would it be?

Guy Sez: If I may, I’ll take two moments.

Grl Sez: Only if I get a favor later

Guy Sez: I’ll make it one to remember.

First was back in the Seventies. I had a girlfriend, and it was the first time we’d gone out. To a toga party, which were big in those days. She’d actually come along with a friend of mine, and I kind of stole her off him, which strained the friendship a little.

Somehow I got to fondling her enormous breasts, which we both enjoyed…

Grl Sez: mmmmm breasts *drool*

Guy Sez: Turning the interviewer on?

Grl Sez: Maybe just a little

Guy Sez: …and we found a private area outside, away from the action. She was wearing a swimsuit under her toga, and I rolled it down. Another friend came around the corner at that moment, and he told me later that the sight of those enormous melons gleaming free in the moonlight was something he’d never forget.

We chased him off by throwing rocks at him…

Grl Sez: LOL! Such a boy!

Guy Sez:…and I worked my way down. Lifted up her toga and pushed the strip of her bathing suit crotch aside. And there it was. Now I wasn’t a virgin, but this was the first time I’d seen the thing up real close, right under my nose. I kissed it, kissed those sweet lips, stuck my tongue in. Oh, but it was a moment to savor!

Second moment came years later. Another kiss. Another girlfriend. The start of a new relationship. She drove up, wound the window down to say hello. I leaned in the window and kissed her full on the lips.

It was the unexpectedness of it, the thrill, the excitement that I remember. I couldn’t believe it. I’d kissed someone and she’d smiled back at me. I wanted to sing, dance, shout out for the joy of it.

There’s another moment…

Grl Sez: Geez. Now you’re taking advantage.

Guy Sez: A combination of many moments. Just standing, or sitting, or lying with my lover. Just being close. Together. That’s what I like best. The love, the closeness, the intimacy.

Grl Sez: Tell us about sucking dick…What was it like? Did you enjoy it even a little bit?

Guy Sez: Ah, I was wondering if you’d pick up on that.

Grl Sez: Yeah. I just had to think of a good question

Guy Sez: And you said you knew it all…

Grl Sez: I do know everything, but when you know everything it can take a while to process :b

Guy Sez: It wasn’t unpleasant. It didn’t drill right into the sex centres of my brain, or even the taste buds. Just something, smooth and salty to suck on. And that was it.

Grl Sez: Just a salty lollypop then? :p

Guy Sez: Yeah. suck it down to the stick. We didn’t go all the way to the bitter end, as it were. Just youthful experimentation.

Grl Sez: Are you still friends/acquaintances with the lucky guy?

Guy Sez: As it happens, I see him from time to time. We’re close friends.

Not that close.

Grl Sez: What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever asked someone to do for you?

Guy Sez: Well, there was this girlfriend who pulled a tick out of my dick…

Nothing too strange, really. Had a girlfriend once, and I got her to tie me up with some of her pantyhose. Stripped me off and tied my feet and hands to the legs of the bed so I was helpless. And loving it.

Grl Sez: What did she do after tying you up?

Guy Sez: She got a feather and tickled me here and there.

And here again.

And again.

And then she mounted me. That was fun. But after a bit she realized that I wasn’t fully able to participate, and she untied my hands.

So I leaned down and untied my feet and ravished her most brutally. Which she seemed to enjoy.

Grl Sez: What’s your favorite place to be touched?

Guy Sez: I like my feet to be stroked. Gently. And my flanks, along up the rib cage. I just melt.

Grl Sez: And do you have a favorite place to touch your lover?

Guy Sez: I’m an enthusiastic amateur masseur. Everywhere on my lover’s body is good. It’s the feel of her skin under my hands, the knowledge that I’m handing out pleasure with every stroke. But yeah, I have to admit that I like kneading my way up the inside of her thighs, hearing her sigh ever so gently as I feel the first light touch of pubic hair against the back of my hands. Tracing the contours of her sex, those triangular shapes – that’s always nice.

Grl Sez: Is there anything that is guaranteed to turn you on?

Guy Sez: Yeah. wear a low-cut top and bend over in front of me. Smile and, wham, instant erection! I spend a lot of time in coffee shops. Unable to stand up.

Grl Sez: Ordering just one more doughnut…

Have you ever had a one night stand?

Guy Sez: A couple along the way. Though I’ll qualify the description, because they weren’t total one-night meet, screw, run events. In both cases I knew the women before and after, but it was just sex for one night.

In the first case, I once went back to her place for more, but she didn’t want it, and in the second case, she came back for a quick rematch, but I didn’t want it. I’d just gotten back together with the woman I later married, and I didn’t think I could handle two relationships at a time.

Grl Sez: Tell us about your first love.

Guy Sez: I’m wondering if that’s a euphemism.

Her name was Lee, and she had brown hair in a ponytail, small breasts and a trim figure. She was beautiful. Clever, caring, chic. In comparison to me, the high school klutz. We shared senior French class, and that was toujours la high point du jour.

I used to send her thought messages across the room. Lee, je t’aime grandtemps, je voudrais suck ton nipples s’il te plait. And across the city from my teenage bed. I don’t think she ever noticed.

Grl Sez: Have you ever masturbated in front of someone? Have you ever watched someone masturbate?

Guy Sez: Back seat of the Greyhound bringing a friend and I back home from a nude beach where we’d camped out for a few days. I guess he was feeling randy, because he suggested a competition, which he won handily. I struggled on for ten minutes or so alone, coming a distant second.

As an aside, watching the other sex masturbate is a great learning experience. Guys, in particular, can understand a lot about how to make love by watching a woman pleasure herself. Don’t go directly for the clitoris; start at the extremities, work your way in, and any time spent on stroking and licking breasts is pure gold.

On that note, there’s a website that’s devoted to that sort of thing. Girls working themselves up to a climax. Amazing footage. Totally authentic. They just recruit women, offer them bundles of money, and film them touching themselves. Sometimes they do two or three together. Sometimes they just take off their clothes and talk about sex. All genuine, nothing stagey or forced. Abby Winters. Highly recommended. We’ll do a review later.

Once Grl unties me…

Grl Sez: Just as soon as I finish mushing up these mangoes, buster.

Last question. Do you have a one-liner that sums up your take on sex, love and life?

Guy Sez: The sexiest body part of all is a smile. Make it fun!

Thanks, Grl!

The next subject in the Hot Seat will be Grl. I’m looking forward to asking her some penetrating questions. After that we’ll go out hunting for subjects, tie them down, offer them Google Wave invites and put the screws to them in joint interviews.

Photo credit: hakill of stock.xch