My GF Sez » Love

Thrill me up

grlandguy — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 11:35:25 +0000

photo by Lotushead

Guy sez: Flirting is the gentle art of romantic pretence. I enjoy flirting with ladies of advanced years, for example, saying to them, “Oh, if only I were twenty years younger…”. The pretence is that a romantic or sexual attachment exists, and the more unlikely the possibility, the more outrageous the flirt.

It’s pointless to flirt with your partner, for example. Fun, but not really flirting if it’s a sure thing.

The spice of flirting lies in the possibility, the thought, the fantasy that it could actually come true. Say to an old age pensioner, “I’ll be round tonight with a bunch of roses and a bottle of champagne,” and everyone knows that it’s not going to happen. If I say the same thing to a single woman closer to my age, well, you never know, we could be eating our breakfast eggs together, a rose or two sprouting from an empty magnum.

Grl sez: A good friend of mine once told me that even though he was so happy in his current relationship, he would love to go back to the flirting days. I empathised – I love to flirt! I love knowing that I’m making someone feel special. Whether you’re flirting with someone just to make them smile, or to let them know you’re interested in them, it makes me feel great

I can’t help but smile when people flirt with me (well mostly anyway!) – I love knowing that someone thinks I’m attractive! Even if it’s not going to go anywhere, it still makes me tingle when someone flirts with me

Of course there’s always a flip side…I guess one of the worst is when creepy men start flirting with you at bars *shudder*. You know there’s only one thing they want, and you don’t want to give it to them!

Far worse I think though is when people you’ve broken up with start flirting with you again. An ex of mine has recently been doing this with me and it is frustrating! Especially when she was the one who told me she’d rather be friends…

Guy sez: The beauty of unwanted flirting is that it can be gently – or not so gently – turned aside. Southern ladies are wonders at rejecting advances in the most delightful way. There must be a textbook they read in school. How to charm people away.

Make it a game if you don’t want attention. Call it anti-flirting. Turn them off in the nicest way.

Perhaps your ex, Grl, flirts with you precisely because she knows it’s going nowhere. Or maybe, she thinks there’s always the chance…

That’s the spice, the sweetness, the thrill of flirting.

Love is the Answer – Barbra Streisand

guysezual — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 10:34:19 +0000

Love is the Answer – Barbra Streisand

Guy Sez: OK, she’s airbrushed on the album cover. No way 67 year old Barbra Streisand looks like she’s still in her twenties.

Having made that crack, I’ll note that her voice remains the same: every note, every word, every phrase perfect. Not a lot of the geschreying of old, but the material doesn’t need force. This album is more reflective, more serious. These are not the love songs of a twenty year old, every line oozing passion and urgent need. These are the memories of a lady who has had a rich and romantic life, looking back with wistful joy.

Straight up, go for the deluxe edition with the two CDs. The songs are the same on both (though Disc 1 has a bonus track), but Disc 2 is just Barbra and a jazz quartet, instead of the overlaid orchestra on Disc 1.

It’s not just me. Barbara’s voice is the treasure here, and no matter how good the boys in the band may be, they are not the reason to buy this album. Forget the orchestral versions and stick with the quartet.

Love is the reason, love is the answer, and each one of these carefully chosen love songs will hook into your romantic heart, where Barbra’s mellow tones will coax out the loving fool in you. These are songs to share on a quiet night, just you and a lover enjoying each other’s closeness. Songs for holding hands, songs for a glass of something, songs for a fireside evening together.

Grl will tell you all that, Sister Hazel aside, I like the older stuff. And that’s mostly so. Biz Markie can make me laugh without a smile cracking his big round face, but yeah, for me it’s Nat King Cole and Frank Sinatra and Simon and Garfunkel. And Barbra Streisand.

She was fantastic, crooning Memory from The Way We Were. Or taking a bath with Kris Kristofferson in A Star Is Born. I used to wear that part of the Beta smooth, rewinding it, hoping she’d stand up, covered in suds as she looked into my eyes and sang Evergreen to me.

Love is the Answer. Right. Hit the fast forward on that clunky old video and we’re into the next century, though you wouldn’t know it, looking at Babs in all her Photoshop glory, showing a little bare shoulder, a little tit, nothing but a blanket between her and a middle-aged male fantasy.

The key song is Here’s To Life:

But there’s no “yes” in yesterday
And who knows what tomorrow brings or takes away
As long as I’m still in the game, I want to play
For laughs…for life…for love.

It’s been a good, satisfying life, Barbra tells us, but she’s not ready to give up the fun. Not yet. I’ve listened to the song a dozen times and gotten more out of it each time.

In The Wee Small Hours Of The Morning, despite its poignancy, is almost comic relief in comparison. It’s a song I associate with Sleepless in Seattle, a light romantic comedy, yet Barbra extracts every ounce of emotion from it. We’ve all been there: woken at two in the morning to an empty space in the big bed, and we’re alone with our thoughts. There’s a lovely Diana Krall piano solo to listen for. The two discs have slightly different lyrics, but you’ll have to listen closely to pick it.

The fourth track is the deepest. If You Go Away (Ne Me Quitte Pas) has some sorrowing lines, delivered absolutely right on target, and then Barbara drops into French. Delving into the history of this song, Ne me quitte pas was written after singer/songwriter Brel was thrown out of his mistress’s life after casting shame and sadness upon her. She was pregnant with Brel’s child and had an abortion after he refused fatherhood. Listening to the English lyrics, it’s clear that there’s a crisis on hand, Barbara seeing devastation if her lover leaves, and paradise if he stays. But just listen to the agony and promise in her voice!

Two more tracks caught my eye. The evergreen Smoke Gets In Your Eyes: as Barbra says, she’s heard it a thousand times before, but this time in singing it herself she’s found new meanings. To me it’s simple: lose love and cry. And finally, my favorite song on the album. Make Someone Happy.

Isn’t that what it’s all about?

Fame, if you win it,
Comes and goes in a minute.
Where’s the real stuff in life to cling to?
Love is the answer,
Someone to love is the answer.
Once you’ve found her,
Build your world around her.
Make someone happy.
Make just one someone happy
And you will be happy too.

I’d like to think that this is a good philosophy for life. Barbara’s fame certainly isn’t fleeting, but she’s got a lifetime of amazing talent to draw upon. And making other people happy certainly pays dividends in making yourself happy. I know that for a fact. I live for smiles. And ultimately, when it comes down to it all, one way or another, all the deep questions of human existence come down to four words: Love is the Answer.

Grl Sez Guy’s right, this isn’t the stuff of a 20 year olds romance, but it’s beginning to grow on me! Not something I would put on my ipod, but if I wanted a romantic atmosphere on a date, this is definitely something I would play. Softly, in the background, over dinner with candles and flowers. In the hopes that it would go further…

Track listing:
1. Here’s To Life
2. In The Wee Small Hours Of The Morning
3. Gentle Rain
4. If You Go Away (Ne Me Quitte Pas)
5. Spring Can Really Hang You Up The Most
6. Make Someone Happy
7. Where Do You Start?
8. A Time For Love
9. Here’s That Rainy Day
10. Love Dance
11. Smoke Gets In Your Eyes
12. Some Other Time
13. You Must Believe In Spring

Long distance love

guysezual — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 23:28:13 +0000

Handsfree love – photo by Jasmaine Mathews.

Guy Sez: I’m no stranger to conducting a romantic relationship over vast distances, what with Grl being away on the other side of the ocean – in Sausalito – but the link is going to become even more fragile in a week or three.

Grl is heading off into the world on a roaming assignment that will take her to exotic places like Oklahoma City, Washington DC, and Horton MO. It could last for months.

What’s a guy to do? There’s a limit on how many weekends I can fly away, and while it’s tempting to just gas up the ‘Stang and hit Route 66 east for my kicks, that’s a terrible strain on a guy and his auto.

Worth it. My favorite place in all the world is beside Grl, but how embarrassing is it to jump into bed and fall fast asleep, to be woken up two hours later for the long drive home?

The ever-popular nude mutual pleasure video chat session is good for relief. A bandwidth muncher, and while it’s good to hear (and see) the moaning in real time, I also get moaning later on from the landlady, who provides the supposedly unlimited wi-fi. Mrs Madrigal she’s not!

There’s only so far you can go on a phone call, and while scented love letters may be romantic, they take time. Truth to tell, Grl and I send messages via chocolate and saucey books. “Read page 43 and think of me,” she’ll scribble on the flyleaf, totally destroying the value on the second-hand market.* A recent package containing mango slices raised more than a smile.

Chatsex is cheap and easy, though best advised not to begin a session on your iPhone while coming home on the Muni. Voice of experience here. Pick your place. We might have a longer post on the ins and outs of chatsex later on, possibly in the form of some actual Grl/Guy chat in about oh, four weeks time. Amazing how an innocent chat can suddenly turn steamy. *Nibbles on Grl’s ear*, you say, and before you know it, buttons are coming loose, clothes disappear into chat-ether, hands move lower, tongues become involved, there’s some heavy thrusting action and you look up to find you’ve missed your stop and you’re down at Fisherman’s Wharf with a bus load of tourists aiming cameras at you.

Txting is always nice. So good to get a quick well-chosen txt from your lover. I<3U needs no translation.

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” they always say, and it’s true enough. Something else they say is, “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.” That sort of thing makes you change your FaceBook status to “It’s complicated”.

We shall see. This blog might become a whole lot more interesting over the weeks and months ahead!

–Guy Sez

* Or possibly enhancing it. Don’t you just love books where the good bits are all marked?

Why Sister Hazel rocks!

grlsezual — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 07:14:49 +0000

Sister Hazel's latest

Why Sister Hazel rocks!

Everyone knows I’m a huge Hazelnut (well everyone who’s read my Hot Seat!), but I’m quite serious when say they are one of the greatest bands around. And why, you might ask, dear reader. Because they have a song for almost any occasion (well for love anyway, which let’s be honest, is what life is about!). Every time something’s happened in my love life (so not very often :p), I’ve found a Sister Hazel song that speaks to me about where I am.

Songs for hooking up:

Hello, It’s Me (Absolutely)
Everything Else Disappears (Absolutely)

Absolutely

Songs for being madly in love:

Beautiful Thing (Fortress)
Everybody (Chasing Daylight)
In The Moment (Lift)
Let Your Love Flow
Mandolin Moon (Absolutely)
One Love (Chasing Daylight)
See Me Beautiful (Release)
This Kind Of Love (Absolutely)
Vacation Rain (Release)

Songs about love:

See Me Beautiful (Release)

Fortress

Hopeless (Chasing Daylight)
Strange Cup Of Tea (Fortress)

Songs for breaking up:

Tear By Tear (Absolutely) (not really about breaking up, but if I need a good cry its a good one to get me going)
Best I’ll Ever Be (Chasing Daylight)
Take A Bow (Release)
Take It Back (Release)
Shame (Absolutely)
Where Do You Go (Absolutely)
Truth Is (Absolutely)
Killing Me Too (Chasing Daylight)

Chasing Daylight

Songs for when you’re starting to get over them:

Life Got In The Way (Chasing Daylight)
Meet Me In The Memory (Absolutely)
Wanted It To Be (…Somewhere More Familiar)

Personal favorites of mine:
Everything Else Disappears – I love the shyness of this song, the unsureness of the singer, the potential of something amazing happening, the romance, “and we sat on your car while the light from the stars poked holes in the sky.” And the happy ending!

Let Your Love Flow – (Written by the Bellamy Brothers) What I
love about this song is that it makes love seem so natural – which it is – by likening it to natural things “Just let your love fly, like a bird on a wing, and let your love bind you, to all living things.” I also love this line “must be that season when that love light shines all around us” – I know when I’m in love it feels exactly like there’s light shining out of me, all around me, surrounding everything.

Lift

This Kind Of Love – I mostly love this one for its slow, methodic beat, making the song sound extremely simple, just like love… And the lyrics just ignite something in me – they get the feeling so right!

Best I’ll Ever Be – Oozes disappointment that it didn’t work out. I just love the bit at the end of the song, just random household noises, but they sound so poignant, still oozing disappointment…
– Grl Sez

Guy Sez: Grl put me onto Sister Hazel, and since then I’ve become nutty as well. Not sure that I’d say they were one of the best bands in the world, but yes, they rock! My own few personal favorites:

...Somewhere More Familiar

One Love – This is just a fantastic song for being in love. It sums up what it’s like to have a lover who is the real thing.

This Kind Of Love – More of the same – it’s a great song to play at a wedding.

Run for the Hills – I love this song. It’s got spinning wheels and people grabbing their lover and running for the hills as the tide rises, hard rain comes down and fire and brimstone bubbles up. We’ve all had days like that.

See Me Beautiful – I’d like to be the person others see me as, without my private doubts or vices. It’s something I strive towards, and this work is its own reward.

My personal ambition – one of many – is to find the time to attend a Sister Hazel concert with Grl, and rock along in the audience. We’ve come close a few times, missed out by a day or so in Orlando and St Louis. We’ll get there one day.
– Guy Sez

“The Guernsey Literary & Potato Peel Pie Society” by Mary Ann Shaffer

grlandguy — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 03:02:34 +0000

Guy!

I just read the most amazing book ever! It’s set just after World War Two in London and this little island called Guernsey (I’d never heard of it either!) Totally romantic love story

Ur Grl.

Grl,

Are you commanding me to read it? I just happen to be here at City Lights bookstore. txt me details and I’ll lift a copy.

Ur own Guy

Don’t make me tie you up again! YES BUY IT! The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society is the name of the game (isn’t that a wonderful name for a book!), and it’s by Mary Ann Shaffer.

Not surprised you’re at City Lights AGAIN…are you ever NOT there?

Ur Grl

Grl,

CL is a cool bookstore. OK. I’ve found it. Found a comfy chair. Will read. I think the title is longer than the book. Looks like it is written as a series of letters.

Guy, reading hard

I know it is ok, I just think you might have a small obsession….either with the books or with that cute girl with the beret….or both!

Yeah it’s written in letters – isn’t it great! Really gets you into the minds of the characters

Ur Grl

Grl!

This is a wonderful book! Utterly charming. Juliet Ashton, the main character, sounds like you. Literate, sparkling, outrageous. Except you haven’t written and published a book. Yet.

I just love the way the characters are introduced in letters they write. You get a feel from the details of the address, their salutations, the way they write… Here’s Dawsey Adams from Guernsey in the Channel Islands, writing to Juliet, because he owns a book with her name and address in it, and wants to know more:

Charles Lamb made me laugh during the German Occupation, especially when he wrote about the roast pig. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society came into being because of a roast pig we had to keep secret from the German soldiers, so I feel a kinship to Mr Lamb.

I think I can see where this is going…

Yours sincerely

Guy Sezual

Isn’t it great – Juliet is great, but just wait till you get to meet some other Guernseyites – my favourite is Isola.

Dawsey is a complete sweetheart though – he seems so wise to me, much older than he actually is…

I should warn you there’s a sad bit…but so many funny bits as well!

Grl,

So right about the funny parts! Juliet and her friends are wicked in their private letters to each other. Not sure I’m right about the plot. Juliet is being courted by a rich American now, and if I read between the lines, they are spending a LOT of quality time together.

The Guernsey people are a mixed bunch. All writing to Juliet to tell their side of the story of the GL&PPP (what a mouthful!) Society. Miss Adelaide Addison is funny, though she doesn’t mean to be:

Dear Miss Ashton,

Forgive the presumption of a letter from a person unknown to you. But a clear duty is imposed upon me… (snip a lot of snarkey gossip) …You must not write about these people and their books – God knows what they saw fit to read!

Yours in Christian Consternation and Concern,

Adelaide Addison (Miss)

Huh! Bet she’s a very old Miss! I’m liking the way that there are two or more sides to every story, and each character is doing their best to show their best side. That girl with the shaved head and red beret has come around a couple of times now. Maybe I’d better buy this copy.

Guy, reading as fast as possible

Have you read the character references yet? Those are f-u-n-n-y! Juliet gets two acquaintances to write to the Society so they know she won’t treat them frivolously… one woman (Lady Bella Taunton) who rather dislikes her:

I cannot impugn her character – only her common sense. She hasn’t any.

and the Reverend Simon Simpless who has known her since birth and loves her dearly….

Juliet was a stubborn but nevertheless a sweet, considerate, joyous child – with an unusual bent for integrity in one so young.

Despite Lady Bella sending an awful character reference, I still end up liking Juliet all the more for the complaints she has about Juliet!

Lady Grl

Grl,

Thanks for putting me onto this book. I’m eating it up and licking off the sauce.

So many characters! So many pieces of the puzzle. Juliet has visited Guernsey, and followed a lead to France, to find out what happened to one of the main characters. The German invaders are shown as brutal in some respects, but humane and kind in others. It must have been a very hard time, with the shortages of food, and I’m now understanding why they made pies out of odd ingredients.

Hungryguy

Not sure there’s be much sauce in this pie Guy!

That’s another thing I loved about this book, it doesn’t show all the Germans as evil…I know there were some evil people involved, but it isn’t possible for every single person from one country to be evil! I guess what I’m trying to say is that it shows a whole lot of really interesting personalities….and people, in a unique kind of way. Gives all the characters a chance to show who they really are.

Grl,

There’s so many threads, so many characters, so many nuances. So many sides. One thing bugs me a bit. The main character is Juliet Ashton, but she changes so much between the first half of the novel when she is a columnist in London preparing her second book, and when she is actually on Guernsey. She changes, and the ending becomes just a little predictable.

Yes, I’ve finished the book. Just as well, because it’s almost closing time!

Guy

Guy – I don’t think she changes…maybe how we see her changes, but ultimately she’s still Juliet Ashton, trying to find someone she can talk to AND be silent with….and I liked the ending! -Grl

Grl,

Perhaps it’s the tone of the narrative then. When she’s in London, we know she’s going to go to Guernsey eventually, but we’re wondering about what’s going to happen. When she gets there, meets all the people she’s been corresponding with, it’s like the story is on rails, just gliding into the station. The only real interest in the second half of the book is in finding out what happened to Elizabeth. It’s almost as if the author lost interest in her main character once she’d got her future sorted, and transferred the focus to another character.

But, having said that, I really enjoyed this story, and you’ve given me yet another excuse to while away half a day out of my remaining years in the most pleasant fashion.

The book has a steady narrative, a delightful range of characters, each one distinct and well-drawn. Perhaps most important of all, it is set on an island very few people would know about, and in a piece of history that is all but unknown. It’s a remarkable story in its own right, and adding in a love story written in period letters, it’s utterly charming!

Guy, charmed

I disagree with you on that point, Guy – I didn’t feel at all as though the only interest in the second part of the book was Elizabeth…YES, she is a major part of it, but there’s all those other characters we’re getting to know from other points of view – both Juliet’s and our own! –Grl

Grl,

You’re to blame for this book coming home to live with me. I read it all at a sitting, and the perfect end to the day was to take it to the counter, run it by that lovely lady with the cherry berry, and slip it into my backpack. I’ll read this again, and very likely I’ll buy copies secondhand to foist them on my friends. This is one of those books.

Your Happy Guy

Woohoo, someone else sucked in!

“For Today” by Netherworld Dancing Toys

guysezual — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 01:44:29 +0000

An odd name for a group. Netherworld Dancing Toys. You just know that this lot won’t be playing chamber music or dirging on about the Edmund Fitzgerald sinking.

The band was formed in 1982 in Dunedin, New Zealand, and was popular amongst students at the University of Otago. Boisterous and fun-loving, their work dealt with themes popular amongst young adults, and this 1985 song, about smiles and relationships, is a cherished favorite of mine. It also won several awards and has been used in advertising campaigns, most notably by New Zealand Post.

The vocalist talks about preferring his own company, but realising that ”there’s a hole in my well-being so big you could drive a truck right through,” he tells the listener, “I think you should know, that you are the one who could probably fill it for good.”

Isn’t this the very heart of love? Another human being makes you complete. Without them, you are empty. No satisfaction, no pleasure, nothing compares to the company of your lover. Together, you are one, you are Yin and Yang, you fill each other up completely.

And overflow. There is a sweet excess about lovers. You hold hands, kiss, gaze into each other’s eyes, and onlookers smile in recollection of their own loves. Perhaps they head to the post office to whip off a hot letter to a past flame.

“For today, I remember your smile.” That line, repeated over and over, is the chorus, the core, the couer of the song. Love is pleasure, laughter, shared joy, smiles and happiness. That’s what distinguishes love from sex. Without love, sex is merely the friction of parts; a mechanical satisfaction as routine as consuming a hamburger.

Love is the sauce, love is the spice, love is everything that makes the mundane into magic. Without love, we are just going through the motions. With love, the stars themselves twinkle for our personal pleasure, the birds sing, the world revolves and people smile at us. All is good.

“For today, I remember your smile,” the song continues on and on. There’s a yearning there. The lovers are apart, memories of past smiles the only solace. Until that joyous moment when the arms open, the lovers embrace, the lips meet and the smiles return.

“All I want to do is be with you, and everything else seems unimportant compared.”

There are other, more famous love songs, but for me, this bright smiling song sums up everything in love. I hear it, I think of the joyful face of my lover, and I smile in happy memory.

And, when at last we are in each other’s arms again, nothing else matters. Not even the best love song in the world.

–Guysezual