FunkyBrownChick.com

• Blog Name: FunkyBrownChick
• Type: Lifestyle
• Level: Spicey
• Author: Twanna A Hines
• Location: New York City
• First Post: June 21, 2005
• Popularity: “On a good day, upwards of 3,000+ people visit this site. Funky Brown Chick isn’t huge. It isn’t extremely tiny either.”
• Platform: WordPress

My name is Twanna and I own Funky Brown Chick.
All rights reserved. So, please, don’t be a dick.

Guy Sez: You gotta love someone with a copyright notice like that one!

Perhaps the best introduction is FunkyBrownChick’s own words in her first post:

let’s see … this is the first entry so i should probably tell you more about myself. i’m somewhat new to new york, but i’m used to big cities. i’m black; hence, the “brown” in funky brown chick. i’m single and dating so you’ll get to read about all of the crazy stories from my 30-something love-less life. i could write more, but i’m sure we’ll come to know each other better with time. best not to rush these things.

Twanna A Hines, Funky Brown Chick – photo by Bill Wadman

Twanna maintains another site at twannahines.com – a site unlike any other I’ve seen. More than a Twitter feed, less than a blog, it’s a net-bite series of snapshots of her life. The more I read of Twanna, the more impressed I am. You don’t expect deep insights from a sexblogger, usually more noted for erotic entertainment than analysis and philosophy, but here in the Huffington Post she sticks it to Steven Levitt, author of Freakonomics. Then again, she has two degrees – a BS and an MA.

A self-described sexpot, she looks good enough to eat. Her chocolate skin has sent any number of delicious thoughts scampering through my hungry mind.

She gives good blog. Well written, entertaining, punchy. Not heavy on the explicit details, but she doesn’t pull her punches – if she is sleeping with someone, she sez so. It’s more a relationship blog than a sex blog; presumably you know what to do once you’re in bed together, you don’t need to be told who put what where and how many strokes per second.

There’s a “Best of First Year” post here. Even better, there’s a “Worst of…” post the very next day. Twanna doesn’t take herself too seriously! There’s a few broken links, due to a platform change or two from Blogger to Wordpress and one domain to another, but it’s not too hard to find the original posts. Better yet, just read the whole first year, skimming if you wish. Her posts aren’t long. Then read the second, third, fourth and fifth years! It’s all good.

If I have a criticism at all, it’s that the blog looks very “busy” on the page. There’s a lot going on, with advertising from various sources, an archive list as long as a short arm, a category list likewise, the posts themselves, and other bits and pieces all over. Then again, blogs that are solid slabs of text turn me off.

Twanna began blogging under the pseudonym Stollie (for Stolichnaya vodka) but gave that up after a while. She’s not the sort of person who works well with deception. She’s genuine, honest, upfront. You get a good flavor in an online interview at Clutch Magazine:

Best part about being FBC is that it’s me %100. Whether I’m church, with my friends or at work, I am Twanna Hines, Funky Brown Chick.

Twanna’s interest is in men. Young, sexy, exciting, often with a foreign accent. She has regular testosterone-based posts. Manly Mondays, Testicle Tuesdays and – sigh – Wanker Wednesdays.  I must admit to a certain level of fascination. Who will be the next man in her sights? Will she date him? How will it turn out?

Not just men and relationships, of course. For any single woman (or man) aiming to live in New York City, this blog is your homework. Native New Yorkers will have it in their genes, but Twanna moved to NYC from Chicago five years ago, and she has seen it all from an outside perspective. More outside than Chicago, actually – she’s lived here and there around the world and has insights and experience that put the frosting on top.

Sometimes her life reads a little like the script for a television series. Sexie in the City, maybe. She’s always got something on her plate, from heavy-duty writing workshops to interracial dating. There’s the flavor of an active metropolitan lifestyle. Twanna’s not writing for the sake of filling up blog pages – she’s taking time out from an actual life to fill us in on things interesting and thoughtful, entertaining and stimulating, fun and funky.

Which makes the titbits about her book all the more teasing. She’s working on the book of the blog, and unlike others I’ve seen, this won’t be just the pick of the website bound and gagged, this will have new material and a theme. Perhaps like Melissa Plaut’s Hack, where the Jewish Lesbian NYC night cabbie’s blog was transformed into a book that was edgier, more personal, more comprehensive, more coherent than the blog had ever been.

Looking forward to reviewing the book. In the meantime, Twanna’s blog has become one of my must-reads. Highly recommended for a smart, funny, literate woman’s view of life, the Big Apple, and the world.

–Guy Sez

Bonus video: FunkyBrownChick and Girl With a One-Track Mind talking at SXSW

Related posts:

1. “Diary of a Sex Fiend” by Abby Lee
2. Girl With a One-Track Mind

• Blog Name: Girl With a One-Track Mind
• Type: Sexual adventures
• Level: Explicit description
• Author: Zoe Margolis AKA Abby Lee
• Location: London
• First Post: January 1, 2004
• Popularity: “more than 7 million readers over the last five years and now averages 150,000 unique visitors a month.”
• Awards: “won the Bloggie Award for Best British/Irish Weblog in both 2006 and 2007 and the Observer newspaper recently ranked it at number 24 in their Top 50 Most Powerful Blogs in the World list.”
• Platform: Blogger/Blogspot

Guy Sez: If the measure of success of a blog is overflow into the mainstream, via a book or even a movie, then sex blog Girl With a One-Track Mind has made the grade. One book has already been published, with a follow-up shortly to be released, detailing events after the blog’s author was “outed” by a newspaper. There’s talk of a screenplay.

Beginning in January 2004, Abby (as Zoe then called herself for the sake of anonymity) posted on a daily basis about how she thought of nothing else but sexual fantasies. And how (several times a day) she acted on those fantasies:

I am playing three times a day (and I am not pre-menstrual). And shortly after I’ve had a fiddle, I am thinking about the next one. My underwear seems to be in a semi-permanent state of dampness right now…

And no, she’s not talking about a musical instrument here. She’s got a one-track mind, right enough!

The whole point of the blog is that this is normal. She notes:

I think about sex constantly. The thing about guys and it being on their minds every 8 seconds – I have one question: what about the other 7?! I certainly know what I am thinking about during those…

From my (guy) point of view, what she describes is quite normal for a young man: thinking about the women in his life, his schoolroom or workplace, on the street… Checking them out, mentally stripping them off, fantasizing about having sex with them. And yes, masturbating a few times each day. Good to see a girl running along the same tracks…

But no, it’s not all fantasy. Here, let me repost some of Abby’s “That was the year that was” review listing for her first year as a sexblog-goddess:

• Discovering how a man can get a great blowjob from a vacuum cleaner
• 20 things I have in common with men
• My experience as a woman in film
• Mutually masturbating while driving
• Finally giving it a try with a new guy
• The end of my anal virginity
• On fisting myself
• Fucking with fruit
• How to have a Fuck Buddy
• At home alone: twice the pleasure
• Having 20+ orgasms in one night
• On Bully Wanks
• Cyber sex with a copper
• Cock size doesn’t matter
• Shopping for sex toys
• The art of silent wanking

For the record, other “year in review” posts are here and here. Abby’s personal favorite posts are compelling reading indeed. Not that her normal, everyday efforts should be skipped over.

The book of the blog

In 2006, everything changed. Twice over. To begin with, she wrote a book based on her blog, and had it published. She shares the news with her readers here. Fabulous success! The book of the blog is a best-seller, gains critical acclaim, is translated into fifteen languages, and Abby is the name on everyone’s lips. The downside was that, a few days after publication, she was outed.

God. Can you just imagine the shock and dismay? All these unbelievably intimate descriptions of sex, masturbation, fantasies, comments on friends, family and acquaintances, all posted behind the shield of web-anonymity. And suddenly, you are exposed in a national newspaper. Everyone who has ever known you is going to be able to read the blog or buy the book to discover your deepest darkest secrets. The things that happened behind closed doors and the thoughts that were safely locked away. Every last detail of your most private life out in the open.

The effect on Zoe (as Abby now had to call herself) was devastating. But, she coped. The blog immediately became a lot less sizzling and personal, though posts regained some of their savor  over time. And, despite the blog changing flavor and direction, it became no less compelling. With Zoe now a public figure, opportunities opened up. She travelled more, spoke at international conferences, appeared on television shows, and wrote another book.

The second book, Girl with a One Track Mind: Exposed – Further Revelations of a Sex Blogger, is set for publication in March 2010. As a blogger with current readership measured on the fingers of one hand – sorry, the other one’s self-employed – this is going to be inspiring reading. Not just a sex blog, Girl With a One-Track Mind is now a success blog.

At the time of writing (January 2010), the blog’s latest post is well over a month old. Zoe describes a threesome encounter with two men, and the morning after, she shares breakfast with her flatmate:

“So what’s next?” he asked me, as we got stuck in to our fry-up. “Where does The Girl go from here?”

“You know what?” I replied. “I’m happy now. I’ve done what I’ve always wanted; I’ve finally ticked the biggest box on my To-do list. I’m ready to settle down and get married.”

He raised his coffee cup in a mock toast and I did the same. And as I ate my bacon and eggs, I was aware that I was unable to stop smiling.

That sounds like an exit line to me. It’s hard to imagine Zoe keeping up the standard without a very understanding partner. A big part of her appeal was the many and varied men (and women) in her life on what was often a daily basis. With only three posts in five months, it’s probably safe to say that this blog is no longer her top priority. However, there are five years worth of sizzling archives to enjoy. Not to mention two books and possibly a movie.

–Guy Sez

Bonus video: Zoe and FunkyBrownChick at South by Southwest

Zoe Sez (via email): Hi Guy,

Thanks for dropping me an email, I appreciate your doing that. Thanks also for the very nice review – most kind of you!

Your blog looks very professional, has great design, and good content: I wish you all the best with it.

Kind regards,

Zoe/Abby

Guy Sez: Thanks, Zoe! A kind word from a popular and passionate blogger means the world to Grl and I. We’ve got your books on order – reviews will follow in due course. –Guy Sez

Related posts:

1. “Diary of a Sex Fiend” by Abby Lee
2. FunkyBrownChick
3. Coming soon…