Tough love

I once observed a fairly high level debate about appointments to high office and how they should be chosen. By popular vote, by appointment, by selection committee etc.

One participant was a high-profile church leader. He had (and has) a public image as a defender and helper for minorities. He preached tolerance and forgiveness and holiness and stuff.

His line was that there should be a public election for one particularly eminent position, but that candidates should first be screened by a committee in order to “weed out the unelectable, such as Alex Jones and members of the NRA.”

WTF? Wouldn’t the definition of unelectable be that these candidates couldn’t get elected? They wouldn’t need to be screened out, because they wouldn’t last the distance in a campaign. And if they won, then wouldn’t that be the democratic will of the people, freely expressed?

But more than that, it taught me something about tolerance. Tolerance isn’t a matter of getting along with people you like. It’s getting along with people you dislike.

You have to give a little. You have to get over that hump of dislike. You have to respect people whose views may be totally different.

Tolerance is accepting that Islamic folk might like to build a mosque near Ground Zero. It isn’t resigning yourself to the inevitable because in a nation where freedom of religion is a fundamental, places of worship can’t be outlawed. No, it’s a matter of respecting the rights of others to live as full and free a life as you do.

So it is with love. I see any number of young men sighing “I love you” to young women. They may have a genuine desire for that person, and they may have an overwhelming urge to get into their pants, but that isn’t what love is.

Love isn’t lust or desire or a flood of hormones. Love isn’t roses and moonlit nights and holding hands.

Love is love when those things don’t apply. Love is when the young lady is run over by a truck and is crippled in a wheelchair for life. Love is when she gets AIDS or cancer and becomes sick, needing expensive, time-consuming care.

Love is really, truly, deeply caring for the person you love. When their life is as important as your own. Love is sticking by your lover for as long as they need you.

The more enlightened among us connect the dots. Love isn’t just one person. Love is everybody, especially those who hate you.

Love is Jesus. Love is Buddha. Love is a puppy. Love is life.