Guy Sez: As all the world knows, the Marina Safeway is the best supermarket. Simply the best. You can hardly miss this fabulous place of legend as you tool by on the way to Sausalito for a night of delight, top down, the Bay on the right hand, the Bridge ahead, Cow Hollow on the left.

But just peel off to the right and park outside those big old government issue buildings. The old wharves at Fort Mason. There’s a funky stage made out of old car parts and computer guts, and there’s one of the best bookstores in the world. Book Bay, one of the outlets of the Friends of the San Francisco Public Library (the other one is at the library entrance, but not quite as much fun).

I’ve been hauling myself in here for years. It used to be half the size, and the shelves would tower over me in that authentic cramped bookstore fashion, as I browsed in wonder, reaching out with both hands on both sides to seize treasures.

God, but I love old bookstores! Shakespeare and Co in Paris, The Strand in New York City, Alice’s Bookshop in Carlton, and Larry McMurtry’s awe-dropping Booked Up in Archer City, where two girls and a cat run four huge stores spread over three blocks. But you don’t have to travel the world to find good bookstores. City Lights is proof of that. And Book Bay at Fort Mason underscores the fact.

Book Bay is now twice the size, and twice as good. It’s airy and bright, full of the aroma of books, Treasure Island fierce and tropical, the cooking section savoury, the smell of oil and leather from the Transport section, and a thrilling, musky smell from a half height shelf in direct eyeline from the sales desk.

I kind of thought the Sex and Erotica area, not to mention Gay and Lesbian, was better in the old corner, where you could study the illustrations in more detail, maybe adjust your clothing if necessary, without some cheerful grandmother looking at you with interest, or an intense young person crowding your space.

But hey, it’s all good. Just camouflage the good stuff under a Frank Lloyd Wright book about the size of a coffee table, check it out, and appreciate at your private leisure.

What did I buy? Apart from 50 Favorite Houses By Frank Lloyd Wright – a mouth-watering read for the architecture drooler – I found a couple of gems.

There’s a Bear in There (and He Wants Swedish) by an Australian lady called Merridy Eastman. I chose this for the weird title as much as the topic. One should always judge a book by its title, and this one promised delights. Where could this bear be hiding? And what was Swedish about him?

Merridy, it turns out, is a presenter on a popular children’s television program – hence the reference to teddy bears – who moonlights as a worker in a Sydney brothel. “As a receptionist!” she constantly reminds people. Be that as it might, she has a book full of tales to tell about the prostitutes, their wacky customers, and the joint owners of the establishment, who try to hide their earnings not just from the Tax Office, but from each other. Merridy wonders just what each night will bring, and there is always an adventure of some kind! “Hey, don’t I know you?” some puzzled father of toddlers will muse on entry, and Merridy makes herself scarce when he leaves, just in case the answer comes to him during a different sort of entry.

Hilarious, but ultimately it’s a story about the women who work in these places and what drives them to it. You know why the junkie is there, shooting up in the bathroom between business, but why the university law student, daughter of a good home and never shy of a buck? Is she really that fond of latex-shielded sex with random strangers?

Perhaps my other purchase would supply the answer: The Good Girl’s Guide to Bad Girl Sex: An Indispensible Guide to Pleasure & Seduction.

Unfortunately, while I leafed through it in the store and when I got it home, I can’t find my copy. Perhaps Grl has it. But hey, who isn’t interested in Bad Girl sex? Every Good Girl I’ve ever met has been fascinated by the subject – once the parents and the church elders are out of eyeshot.

Luckily, Amazon’s delightful ability to look inside the book gives much of the game away: Barbara Keesling, the author, is a sex therapist who has distilled her knowledge of the advice she hands out to women who come to her with hangups. You can get the good stuff for a few dollars instead of a few thousand in weekly sessions.

But I get the feeling there’s not a lot to it apart from the basic advice given by every therapist, sex or not. Get comfortable with yourself. The chapters on technique are fine, but there’s nothing startling. It’s a matter of attitude. Instead of lying there and taking it, climb on top and enjoy yourself. You have to suck a dick with love and enthusiasm, not as an act of duty. You have to guide your lover’s tongue to where you need it for your pleasure.

Just, well, enjoy yourself. There. Common sense advice dispensed for free and practical sessions available at all hours. Grl, what are you doing tonight?

Obviously, with a used bookstore, I can’t guarantee what’s in stock. But Book Bay is always worth a visit. You never know what’s going to turn up in that little half-height bookshelf. Even if it’s been stripped bare – or bear – the rest of the store is good for a happy hour of browsing, and they sell tote bags for the stack of books, and CDs and DVDs, you’ll surely accumulate.

And if you aren’t in San Francisco with we gentle people with flowers in our hair, riding a cable car halfway to the stars and so on and on, there’s always a second-hand bookstore somewhere in the neighbourhood. When you find one with an interesting shelf or two, let us know, will you? We’ll be right over.

—Guy Sez

This book should be read while you’re drunk with a lot of close girlfriends (not that kind of girlfriend!) – I imagine it would be a lot funnier under those circumstances. I started reading this on the road alone, with my Christian workmate – he opened it up and read a random paragraph – and I quote:

The Farewell Handshake
Relax – this isn’t as insanely boring as it sounds. If executed properly, it’s actually one of the flirtiest goodbyes you can use. Leave him with a slight, lingering handshake. Slide your fingers through his, gently grasping his fingertips at the last second. This is a very personal touch. To be blunt, it’s a lot like the first long caress a woman might give to a man’s penis. Depending on how you use it, it’s the kind of farewell handshake that could very well give him a hard-on. Talk about a sexy exit! (p.223)

The book started out well enough, giving me reasons to flirt, but as I kept reading, I kept cringing, thinking, please, don’t let people really believe that acting like this will attract a boy/girl. I don’t like this book. While I agree with some of what it’s saying, it comes across as being really condescending. I know it says at the beginning that you can flirt for a number of reasons – not just to attract a guy, but while reading it, it seems to place an extraordinary amount of emphasis on attracting guys.

Ok, so it comes across as being really condescending. Primarily because it’s aimed at straight woman and it seems to be telling me that all single straight woman are in need of a man!

After reading the chapter on double-entendres – everything sounds dodgy – following the section on handshakes, we picked up the phone book and read the section on what to do in an earthquake (to try and get the handshake out of our heads) – does “drop, cover, and hold on” sound dodgy to anyone else?

Makeup – I have it on good authority that some men/woman don’t like it when woman wear too much makeup! Or not even don’t like it, but it doesn’t do anything for them. I’m one of them – who someone is turns me on a lot more than what they look like. For example, I’m a sucker for a beautiful smile – it tells me so much more about what a person is like than their makeup!

The really ridiculous thing about this book is that I actually agree with bits of it – what it says about makeup is that it isn’t so much about attracting the opposite sex, but more about feeling sexy yourself – and this will help you be a confident flirter. Which I understand – but I think that if you are confident in who you are, then you’ll also be a confident flirter.

Handtouch by Penny Mathews

This book is aimed more at people who aren’t natural flirters. But when you get advice like the tips in the ‘Even More Advanced Flirt Tips’ section, I’m not sure it’s going to help! With advice like “Pose, pose, pose. Pretend you are a model and the paparazzi are just lovin’ you!”, “Wear very high heels. Mince, don’t walk”, and “If your high heels are stilettos, hop in them like a bunny. Use your imagination to pretend you’ve got a pom-pom on your ass. That’ll help remind you to shake it, baby when you’re not posing it.” Has the author ever talked to any real men, or if she’s been too busy just looking like she’s listening intently to them?

The author comes across as not having had much to do with men – she seems to assume that all men are the same! I know for a fact that this isn’t true – I would never say that any two people are exactly the same – what turns one person on might be a complete turn off for another.

To be fair, Marx does hint at this a little – she suggests that depending on what kind of man you’re trying to flirt with you should try different tactics. But this relies on you knowing the person or picking up on some of their body language – which I guess isn’t completely untoward, but even trying to tell what kind of person someone is by their body language isn’t completely fair I don’t think. And this book kind of proves it – not everyone is a natural flirter (or there wouldn’t be any need for a book like this right? Anyone following?) – so to judge someone on how they’re acting, while it can be fairly accurate, isn’t always.

Yes, there are some things I like about this book, for example, if you do want to act like this, it does have useful tips for you to follow. With step by step guides to acts of flirting, you can’t fail.

I honestly can’t believe I kept reading this! Especially after the following sentence. “All these moves [such as twitching your hips or shaking your booty] tell a guy that he’s dealing with a real woman…” How do these tell a man he’s dealing with a real woman! What is a real woman! Can I get an ‘argh’!

So, to conclude, this book was worth what I paid for it – nothing. (Big thanks to Guy for sending it to me!)
— Grl Sez

Guy Sez: I likewise expect a full review of the Ghirardelli bar that I gave you at the same time! Every sweet, lingering, melting mouthful caressed by your tongue.

This book reminded me of The Rules from a few years back. In each case, an artificial, forced relationship. Flirting should be fun, off the cuff, teasing and tingling. Not the Broadway production Eve Marx makes it into.

I did like the section on rules for flirting in the hot tub, though. As I read it, memories of an evening we spent in a hot tub came bubbling up!
— Guy Sez